Pleasure Is Your Right

Pleasure is your right. I love to say that because it’s true.

I most of the time get quite surprises faces in response to that sentence and I get why; it takes ages for women to unlearn what they have been thought to be sorry about or ashamed for.

Self-pleasure for women has been marked as wrong, dirty and totally inappropriate for centuries but guess what? Men have flagged it like that (since women were excluded from almost all sectors).
The all world of sexuality has been considered as man-reflected, so women sexuality has been seen as defective, different and therefore not quite as good.

But male masturbation is not such a big deal today, right? We know men joke about it all the time, in public, it’s funny and most importantly we know they give themselves pleasure from puberty to death.

Well it’s the same for women. Or at least, it should be.
(But you’ll say it doesn’t seem so).

A recent survey done by Tenga, owner of the feminine brand Iroha, on masturbation shows that 57% of people aged 18-24 masturbate weekly, which is apparently higher than any other age group. The same study, which we have been talking about with Alix Fox before, also shows that, out of the 13,000 respondents ages 18 to 74 in 18 different countries, 84% admit to self-pleasuring — 92% of men and 76% of women. But, not quite a surprise, 55% stated they never talk about masturbation.

That’s quite a gap between doing and saying. There is also quite a gap between men and women doing.

Women’s frequency is on the low side with 34% of women report masturbating a few times a month and only 22% doing it every week, at a 4.1 times per week average.

Gender norms results? I think so.

We are trying to change the way female sexuality has been perceived and thought for centuries, it’ll take time, but we’ll get to sexual equality. We’ll bring that 76% to 92% or even more.

Telling all positive effect that self-pleasure has, from being a stress-relief to being good for self-esteem and the fact that it’s totally healthy, is not enough.

We have to break the circle of shame around the act of female self-love.

In the last days over NYC friends and colleague of Women of SexTech community has been facing that publicly. MTA wanted to ban female sexuality ads because they were considered “offensive”.They won the battle.

Female sexuality must not be marked as offensive or wrong any more.

If you have desires, if you touch yourself, if you use sex toys, if you want sex and if you enjoy it you are absolutely normal. That’s wonderful and totally fine.

You can start breaking the glass ceiling around female pleasure by telling your bf or your partner or people around you that you masturbate or that you would like to try. You can share ideas or fantasies or techniques, what matter is that you talk about it (and shut down any negative feeling about it).

And if you live around Germany and you are curious to learn how to masturbate you can attend one workshop like the one that took place at University of Bielefeld (which made quite a buzz).

Things are changing. And women are leading this change!


You are born entitled to pleasure in whatever way your body receives it, in whatever contexts afford it, and in whatever quantities you want it.

E. Nagoski – Come as you are.