The Female Orgasm, Why Is It Such a Mystery?

It was National Orgasm Day last week so this feels an appropriate topic to discuss in this month’s Pure Mag article. There seems to be so much confusion around the topic of female orgasm and a fear to ask questions holds us back from actually learning about ourselves, but why?

It all starts with sex education.

We get taught reproduction education, not sex education, not sexuality education and definitely not pleasure education. It’s just the basics, or at least it was when I was at school.

The message that SexEd gave us was :

Penis in vagina = Pregnancy. That’s all you need to know.

It doesn’t exactly scream ‘let’s talk about sex’, ‘ask the questions you want to’, ‘of course it’s ok to not know’ or ‘sex can actually be fun too!’.

This is especially apparent when it comes to the female orgasm.
Don’t need it to get pregnant – why bother talking about it. INCORRECT.

For a start it can help with getting pregnant in its own little way as when you orgasm the cervix contracts helping to move your mans sperm up into your body. But aside from this it feels amazing and floods your body with feel good hormones such as Oxytocin, that have all sorts of health benefits and even help you bond with your partner.

So how to achieve orgasm, that is the question.

You can reach orgasm in so many ways, it’s about what works for you. I am sure many of you reading this are thinking about the scene from 40 days and 40 nights where he rouses her to orgasm with a flower – technically this can happen. You don’t even have to touch the genitals, some people can be orgasmic just from nipple play.

female orgasmThere are different types of orgasm, the clitoral orgasm, and the vaginal orgasm or even better you can combine the two. Technically it’s all clitoral, but it comes form different stimulation. This is based on anatomy – the clitoris is physically separated from the vagina. Surveys suggest that as many as 1 in 3 women struggle reaching orgasm when having sex, with numbers as high as 80% of women specifically have difficulty achieving orgasm from vaginal intercourse.

The Clitoral Orgasm

The clitoris is the female sexual organ, and has an incredible 8000 nerve endings. Another crazy fact, the internal structure of the clitoris only started getting studied in the 1990s and the worlds first complete 3D sonograph showing the stimulated clitoris was only completed in 2009!

If you want to try a new way to stimulate it, go for a bullet-style vibrator with different speed settings to work out which feels best for you. Or choose to mix it up as you play around with taking yourself up to the point of orgasm to extend the pleasure.

packaging_nimbus_white

The Nimbus Clitoral Vibrator by Ave is great. It looks gorgeous, has 10 vibration patterns and fits perfectly in the hand.

The Vaginal Orgasm

The vaginal orgasm is harder for most women to achieve, but once you work out how, it is easier to reach time and time again. The G-Spot can be found on the inside wall of your vagina which can be reached during penetration. This is why for lots of women it is easier to reach orgasm when on top during intercourse – the added bonus of this is that it also provides contact with the clitoris.

pure-wand

The Pure Wand Steel Dildo by NJoy has the perfect curve for reaching the G-Spot and as it is stainless steel provides a pleasurable temperature responsive effect.

In general though, foreplay is key.

Pleasure happens all over the body and the skin is the body’s largest erogenous zone, the brain is also our biggest sexual organ, so as you experience all over body pleasure it edges you further through that pleasure zone towards orgasm.

It takes women a longer time than men to get up to the level of arousal needed to orgasm, so foreplay and touch prepare both the mind and body for sex. Additionally it encourages blood flow to essential areas for heightened sensitivity, and increases lubrication in the vagina for comfortable penetration.

form-8

For the double orgasm whammy both clitoral and vaginal pleasure, try Form 8 by Jimmy Jane which offers simultaneous clitoral and internal stimulation.

Until next month,

katemoyleBY KATE MOYLE
PSYCHOSEXUAL THERAPIST
@KATEMOYLEPSYC