Orgasm, Pleased To Meet You!

How women get to orgasm during intercourse or if they have it at all are two of the most haunting questions in our sex life.

Why? Well, men do say women are complicated and for centuries, nobody really cared about that, not even women, because they didn’t know they are supposed to feel any climax at all. Maybe some of them were lucky to know (like Napoleon’s nice Maria Bonaparte who run also some experiments around the clit) and other even luckier to meet someone that knew how to help them, but the point is that only in the past 3 decades the matter has become a huge topic of discussion among couples, friends and so forth.

Some studies say most women who do have an orgasms during intercourse, are having it with clitoral stimulation (more than 70%). Some have vaginal, so they need inner penetration and they don’t get that much pleasure out of the external. The lucky ones have them both and some have none.
Recent studies also claimed that all orgasms are technically clitoral, since this is the organ of pleasure, and when it’s real shape was discovered in 1998, science understood there are many ways to stimulate the clitoris (external, vaginal, anal) but the orgasm comes always from the clit.

Other studies, like OMGYes ones, say there are 12 types of stimulation to reach orgasms a woman can try. You can get there after knowing your genital zones very well and be able to mentally acknowledge your sexual energy.

It may sound like yoga or tantra, but it’s way easier than that. It’s about living in the present. For many years I’ve found myself among women who weren’t capable of having an orgasm with a man and started getting really frustrated (and their partners too) because they couldn’t be in the moment.

The first thing I asked them was: do you talk to your partner about sex? What do you feel, what he expects, how you both experience sexuality? In many cases the answer was “not really, I don’y know how.”

Communication in sex is key ladies. And it’s not the “women love to chat” thing, it’s really extremely important not only to get you closer and strengthen your intimacy, but mainly because this is the only way you’ll really know what the other is expecting or wants.

And here it comes the massive importance of masturbation. If you don’t know your body first, how can you expect he does? How will you be able to tell him what you like and want? I’m talking about straight couples here, not because gay ones can’t experience the same issues, but data say 86% of lesbian do reach orgasm as from 88% to 95% between bisexual, gay or hetero men. On the contrary, only 65% of hetero women do reach climax.

Another fundamental element is education. Sex has always been and still is a big taboo in most counties and cultures, even though sexuality is a key aspect of being human, which identifies who we are. If we are not thought since when we were kids that sex is a natural part of life, that experiencing pleasure is a human right and need, that it’s ok to talk about it, we’ll never get to the point where we are comfortable in opening up a discussion about sex with our partners.

Luckily things are changing. Modern feminist movements, SexTech and women all around the world are coming together to push forward  the conversation about sex and sexuality, to overcome centuries of taboos on female pleasure and to fill the gap.

Technology today has a huge impact on our lives, including the way we experience sex, and its goal is to help us discovering new sensations and emotions. Sex toys are here to make you feel better and more satisfied, but to really own your sexuality and being able to enjoy all aspects of sex, you should work on these 3 key aspects:

education, masturbation and communication.

So to you all out there who are struggling with reaching orgasms or are not satisfied by sex, start by asking yourself: do I really know what is going on with my body? Have I figured out what I really like? Have I tried to tell my partner? Each answer will bring you to the next step and closer to yourself and to a happier sex life.

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BY VIRGINIASOFIA CERRONE
DIRECTOR