Empowerment – Do you really know yourself?

Empowerment has different meanings and can be accomplished in different aspect of our life: at work, in social contests and with yourself. I think the last one is the hardest one. Forcing to change and accepting the ‘new’ can be tough.

Sexual empowerment to me has been a hard goal and I’m still trying to be fully successful at. By sexual empowerment I don’t mean what feminists fought for in the 70s (even though on some aspects there is still a lot to fight for) rather what can be the results of those movement nowadays. It’s a kind of paradoxical situation. Women can enjoy sex, speak about sexuality and behave ‘like men’ when it comes to the sexual sphere without worrying about being judged (at least on theory). This is great, but there is a downside. So many of us run too young into sex without allowing ourselves to find out, by our own, what we like about it. The result? Too many women don’t cum, fake the orgasm and are not satisfied at all.

I was one of them, until I was sick and tired of faking and not having fun most of the time. “Do I have something wrong or he\she is not good enough?” was usual my after sex thought. So one day I decided to ‘force’ myself to find time and… try to do myself (quite difficult, though, with everyday crazy schedule, flatmates, parents around an so on)! It was actually forcing myself doing something I was afraid of. I was worried to “fail” and feel nothing. I had never done it before. It wasn’t easy. It took me long time. At the very beginning I tried to do as “everyone” does, like you see in porno (even though I knew it’s not real sex) but it didn’t work out really well. I didn’t give up that time and I tackled it with a different approach. I started feeling my body. I explored every part of my vagina trying to feel any reaction. I discovered many different kind of pleasure! I didn’t cum that time. But I was incredibly happy I “forced” myself to masturbate. Moving from being scared to being curious was a big step. I tried over an over again, with different moods, positions, vibrators, dildos, until I cum and found many ways to do it.

This is what I mean by sexual empowerment. I finally discover my body, what I like and don’t, how to climax. This is, in and off itself, a fantastic success but to fully complete the process, now I’m able to explain it to every partner. I can get what I want because I’m able to ask specifically for it. Find the right way to tell a partner what you want is a different story, but what matters is I have the control on my body. Plus, I know it works. For sure my way is different from what other women like, this is totally fine, but I found my way.

And I feel proud because I challenge myself to go beyond my fears doing something I’ve never done before. No one ever told me, or reassured me, that masturbating is something good I had to try (maybe also because it never came up into my mind, I didn’t think I need it).

Masturbation is the way we can get control on our bodies, for our solo play and for enjoying having sex with a partner. It is not only a human and natural impulse we should embrace but, for women, it is the key to unlock the pleasure and empower our mind.

The path to discover ourselves is not easy, it took me around two years, maybe it’s not done yet, but reach our sexual empowerment is a big move and everyone should give it a try.

Have you tried it yet? Share your experience in the comment section below!! 😉

Yours,

Lilith